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Ask Us!Why Doesn't Anybody Ever Listen To Me ?
Assertive Behavior and Active Listening Could Be An Answer
So, you are widening your horizons and taking courses from Indiana State University. Professors are challenging and testing your expanding knowledge base. You have had reading projects, papers, and exam studying to do.
You also have a life with family and/or work responsibilities beyond your courses that demand a percentage of your time and energy. You have habits of healthy living that you need to employ for your own well-being, including nutritious meals, exercise, relaxation, and 6-8 hours of sleep every night.
However - there are still only 24 hours in a day. How are you doing?
Communication is an important and effective tool when it comes to managing the stress in our lives. How we express our needs, desires, and concerns has an impact on how well we function on the path to our goals - and in our interactions with each other along the way.
Do we need to have a new concept explained further for understanding or a deadline changed? Do we desire a feeling of compassion and tolerance from family members and friends when new demands alter former ways of doing things? Do we become concerned if our level of performance threatens to not meet our expectations?
Healthy Communication: A Few Pointers
Passive, aggressive, and assertive are three basic forms of communication behavior.
- Passive communication is indirect communication. It is self-denying and self-sacrificing. It is a failure to stand up for your own goals and rights. It lacks goal achievement and is limited in responsibility
- Aggressive communication is direct communication. It is inconsiderate of other people and condescending or insulting. It rejects other and cuts off communication.
- Assertive communication is direct communication. It is making "I" statements when expressing needs, desires, and concerns. It is requesting without faulting or insulting. It is an open expression of feelings. It commands and signals respect. It is goal achieving.
The following are some examples of assertive statements:
EXAMPLE 1: "I felt hurt when you didn't acknowledge my work" - rather than - "You hurt me when you ignored me."
EXAMPLE 2: "I wish we could talk on the phone more often" - rather than - "You never call me when I expect you to."
EXAMPLE 3: "I need some help with some of the responsibilities now" - rather than - "You expect me to do everything!"
It is healthy to express your needs, desires, and concerns in a way that does not harm another person - or minimize what you have to say. It is appropriate to openly, honestly, and assertively communicate with those most significant. It is just as important to be a good listener in return. Listening is hearing with thoughtful attention and consideration. Active listening is letting the sender know you have heard what has been said.
This process of assertive communication and active listening engages others in our lives in a positive and effective way. It offers potentially supportive and enabling roles between people. It helps to prevent and reduce STRESS.
About the Author:
Kathy A. Barney, B.A., R.N., M.A., was Stress Management Coordinator for Indiana State University Student Health Services / Promotion from 1997-2000.